[Akira........... Goro's catching his hands, since he was waiting for it, but it's definitely loose enough for him to escape. He's kind of taking the story request seriously.]
I started dating someone named Akira Kurusu. Isn't that a laugh?
[ That totally kills his drive to tickle Goro now, but he'll do it, anyway... Though not as enthused. It's just for a couple of seconds before he relents. There's an exasperated siiiiiighh. ]
That's funny. I guess maybe we can share a little bit more about each other? It's been on my mind during October.
[ Like a nagging feeling that he can't explain—as if everything is out in the open. It makes him uneasy. ]
[He's not taking it seriously, is he..? The tickling is half-hearted but still gets some laughs, of course, and Goro waits a moment to make sure there's nothing else before scooting closer and rest an arm around Akira's waist.
He is doing his fucking best not to be tense. It is really not working.]
What did you have in mind, exactly? Outside the... thing I don't quite want to talk about yet, I believe I've told you everything...
[Hasn't really occurred to him it might not be Retrospec related, god bless his heart.]
[ He can feel the tension in Goro's body, so he pulls him closer into a little squeeze before settling into a comfortable hug. It's okay. ]
... What about things that actually happened here? Those are important, too.
[ Sometimes they've been wrapped so deeply into their memories, into the things Retrospec throws them into, that they forget about their lives and what truly made them into the people they are today. While he learned a lot about Akechi, he wants to grow closer to the Goro in his arms. ]
[His eyes widen for a moment, humming softly as he looks away. Goro truly doesn't think himself half as interesting in this life, really. But he relaxes a little with a small smile.]
[ He pulls back a bit to give him some space. Though Goro is looking away, Akira is staring at him much like how a cat would—of course his eyes are less piercing, less scrutinizing... They're more curious, yet also filled with some concern. ]
Let's start with your happiest memory? During your childhood.
[... Is it bad that it's actually taking him a bit to rifle through his memories for one, um. His happiest memory..? From childhood specifically. If it wasn't for the fact that his eyes are open and wandering, he could probably be mistaken for sleeping for how still and quiet he is.]
[ He clears his throat once, twice, feeling the small little butterflies in his chest as he remembers this small memory. It's... Kind of embarrassing. He has never had the opportunity to share anything, really.
It's fine, he's a regular on the Internet. ]
Back when I was really young, we couldn't afford a lot of things... But my family planned to go to an amusement park for the very first time. I remember my dad had been working overtime to gain the graces of his superiors and my mom slaving away over a computer to make sure she's free that weekend, too. Unfortunately, the amusement park ended up being closed for last minute construction—I was pretty disappointed. [ ... ] Okay, I was upset, but I didn't show it.
[ Let's not lie? He really wanted to go? ]
Then the next day, my parents set up a miniature amusement park in our small home. Mostly some small booths with carnival games... A makeshift roller coaster cart that's actually a dressed up laundry basket with a projector set up in front of it. My dad would shake the cart and move it around to make it match whatever video was showing. There was a shadow puppet play, too.
[ Thinking about it, it reminds him he hasn't spent time with his family as a family in a long while. ]
[Goro listens, gaze returning to him at the first word, and relaxes as it goes. He doesn't laugh any, but his smile is pleased and fond. How sweet... It sounds like they knew how upset he was and compensated for it. He shifts a bit, not closing the distance any but just sort of making himself more comfortable.
There's some envy, but it isn't burdensome. Just natural. The grass is always greener; where Akira might've been close to his family at some point, it would seem he isn't so much now... and despite Goro having a shattered one, all things considered, he can't imagine being without his mother, his aunt and uncle. Who needs a full family.]
[ It takes him a moment, expression blank before it brightens up. ]
Yeah. It was my first amusement park and nothing will change that.
[ It’s weird, but that memory almost feels foreign to him. It’s been a long time since he thought of it, hasn’t it. It’s almost pathetic of him—note to self, maybe keep a gratitude journal. He’s smiling fondly, but realizes Goro is also smiling. It makes him nervous in a way he can’t explain... His gaze falls as fretful fingers run through his own hair. ]
I kept my part of the deal.
[ Puffing out his cheeks, he keeps it like that for a couple of seconds before letting the air out. ]
[He shifts onto his back, staring up at the blanket that makes their ceiling, and hums thoughtfully. Not so tense anymore. Easier to think.
... A lot of his memories are muffled, thouģh. Wrapped tight and sealed away. Goro knows logically there are happy times, but they seem so inconsequential that they don't surface; happy birthday hummed until his mom fell asleep holding him, growing flowers, festivals they don't really have here... all important to him, but nothing compared to Akira's.
He really shouldn't compare.]
... I suppose the happiest memory I have is a festival happening around my birthday. It almost felt like it was a celebration for me, with so many people and fireworks, and my mom even made me a small cake. As a child, that feeling was exhilarating, almost too good to be true, but it isn't like I could tell you specifics. I was too wrapped up in wonder.
[It's small and lame, it's just born from a wish to have a big party and technically getting it, but it does count under the happy memory umbrella. As far as he's concerned, it's the happiest he recalls feeling.]
[ Happiness is happiness, Goro, and that's what Akira wants to convey. He listens inquisitively with eyes on him, watching like a cat pining for something more. As the story continues, the ends of his lips quirk up less from anxiety, more out of endearment. It's a simple memory, a cherished happiness... He knows full well Goro never had a chance to live a life with his father in the picture, but he believes it doesn't make his family any less complete.
When it ends, he scoots closer to nuzzle into the side of his dyed head. When he's done burying his nose in, he gently whispers something. It isn't surprising, nothing offensive. ]
I'll throw you a big party next year. Fireworks and all.
[ He has a friend that's a cop so they won't get arrested for it, either. ]
Of course I'll need advice from your mom here and there, just to make sure it has that magic touch.
[Goro's heart catches and he laughs a little, startled and soft, before he clears his throat and tucks some hair behind his ear. Akira's so... he doesn't know, Akira is so something and he feels entirely too gay. Warm and filled with something light. Cotton candy, maybe. Sweet and delectable.]
I'd like that. [Quiet, and he turns his head to look at Akira, gaze as affectionate as his tone.] Though I'd be just as happy with a party of you and some sparklers, you know.
[At least, that's how he feels at this very moment.]
[ Feeling too gay is very much a daily occurrence... Akira can't imagine a life where he doesn't feel weak to any of his friends, male or female (obviously less gay), to be honest. To think Goro is trying to withhold love and affection from him. How deplorable? He shimmies back a bit to give Goro some space to turn, but that space is invaded not too long after. ]
You can still monopolize me all you want in the company of all your friends and family.
[ He mouths the words "baka" before gently flicking Goro's forehead. ]
[He makes a small show of rubbing his forehead with a hurt look, but it's just as soon gone.]
And have them tease me mercilessly about it? I'll die, Akira.
[But honestly, he's keen on the idea. That's really showing him off. And... by that time, for better or worse, his family would know that he's dating a boy. A very wonderful boy. A boy who is not without faults, but makes him very happy and that's what is important to them. Goro'll sigh, brushing his fingers through Akira's hair.]
I suppose I'll just take you down with me. Don't think I won't, I'll have plenty of know-how by that time.
Hey... I'm already going to be your arm candy? Isn't that enough?
[ Why won't you let him live?
He's basically going to die with Goro whether or not he likes it. It's the boy's birthday and the least he can do is try his best to make him happy, especially after everything. ]
All right. That wasn't so bad. [ But now it's the harder part. ] Do you want me to start the second part?
It's almost like an interview... is this my monthly review as your boyfriend? Will you give me a grade based on my performance? Because there's certainly other things I could do to pass with flying marks.
[Like cook! And take out on dates! Fun dates are worth an A+.]
I can start on this one, though. I suppose it would be my saddest? Or my worst.
[ Should he be unsettled by how easily Goro is taking this? He opens his eyes to gives Goro a small squint... Hell fucking yeah he's grading you and you're doing him a frighten, boy. ]
[Sorry?? He compartmentalizes a lot of the worse ones, so it's just sort of... there. He can look at them without feeling much. Generally.]
I'll do my best to pass, then... Let's see.
[Now he's bringing nails into this, sort of scratching Akira's head like you would a cat's.]
There was a stray dog that I befriended, once. I shared my leftovers with her every day until she'd wait for me at the gate, obedient as could be. So she wasn't really my dog, but she was important to me. And then, after summer break...
[Goro trails off, smile waning.]
I stopped seeing her around. I waited for her every day, since she would walk me home, but... nothing. I was devastated. Maybe she'd simply gotten tired of waiting in the heat. Maybe she thought I wasn't coming around anymore. So I reluctantly put it to the back of my mind and continued as I had before.
Soon after, there were complaints about a terrible, rotting smell coming from an alley near the school. It was disturbing the children, they said. It was harmful to public health. Things like that. But no one could find the source of the stench, and I wasn't particularly interested in finding it either. It was gross and none of my business.
[He's quiet for a moment, hand slowly coming to a stop.]
I was given a... helpful tip, you could say, by way of some writing on my desk. It didn't seem unusual at first, given that it was just the writing I'd gotten used to washing off every morning, but... when I followed the directions that afternoon, under the blistering sun, the stench so horrible I could barely stand it, I found my friend. There was, ah, no... no way I could identify who'd done it, of course, and she was just a stray, so it wasn't like she truly mattered to anyone but me...
[A lump lodges itself in his throat and he swallows, glancing off. This isn't even anything he's told his mom, honestly? Akira's probably the first person -- no, definitely the first person to ever hear this, and Goro shrinks back with a soft laugh, trying to hide his sudden vulnerability. As if Alerted, Belle's clambering over Akira with a series of chirrups to press herself onto Goro, settling once he starts to pet her.]
Sorry. That was a little overachieving of me, wasn't it.
[ He's about to speak up before Belle just walks over him like he's trash and takes his rightful place beside his boyfriend. Mouth closing to a tight thin line, there's an expression of sympathy. If that happened to Morrigan, he wouldn't know how he would fee—yet... He knows very well he was a lot different than Goro at that age, even more drastically different than who he is now.
Still, it doesn't change the gruesome tale laid before him. There are some heavy implications here that concerns Akira, but the matter at hand is Goro lost someone dear to him... He huddles closer, trying to get his own piece of Goro despite Belle blocking his way. That's fine. He's close enough. It's fine. The comforts of a sweet cat cannot be easily surpassed. ]
No, don't apologize. [ He speaks with a soft, calm voice. ] Thank you for telling me...
[ Hand wandering, he fishes for at least one finger to hook onto his. ]
[Goro grants his hand to hold, face buried into Belle's short fur as she curls up in front of him. Gold slips out quietly.]
I haven't thought about her in years. Some friend I am, huh. I don't remember her name either.
[A short laugh, squeezing Akira's hand gently.]
I think that was when... I learned the world could truly be a cruel place. [That if you couldn't ptotect it, then you shouldn't have it, but that applies less now. His voice grows softer.] You're the only one I've ever told this to. Sor-- mm.
[ Yes, good, hold his hand. Akira plays with his hand before interlacing their fingers, squeezing in turn. ]
It is, but you can change it now.
[ And that's the truth. While he would say some comforting words, it's in the past... And there's a cat in the way, so he must settle in hand-holding. ]
Are you okay?
[ He takes this chance to huddle closer, closing the distance between them and burying into Goro's hair. ]
[... He can change that now. It's what he wants to do, after all, make the world a better place, and he smiles a bit.]
Of course. It's in the past, after all.
[And he's... over? That sort of thing, probably? Goro's thumb rubs idly against Akira's hand, thinking back to the sorts of things he's dreamed -- relating to his present life, not the life he'd lived once -- and hums quietly.
Maybe not so over them. The unpleasant dreams are ones he's used to for a reason, mundane as they are. He ducks down more into Belle, feeling oddly claustrophobic, and closes his eyes to focus on the purr vibrating against him.]
What's yours? I'd like it if you refrained from topping me, though.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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I started dating someone named Akira Kurusu. Isn't that a laugh?
[kill him.]
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That's funny. I guess maybe we can share a little bit more about each other? It's been on my mind during October.
[ Like a nagging feeling that he can't explain—as if everything is out in the open. It makes him uneasy. ]
I feel like I'm forgetting something.
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He is doing his fucking best not to be tense. It is really not working.]
What did you have in mind, exactly? Outside the... thing I don't quite want to talk about yet, I believe I've told you everything...
[Hasn't really occurred to him it might not be Retrospec related, god bless his heart.]
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... What about things that actually happened here? Those are important, too.
[ Sometimes they've been wrapped so deeply into their memories, into the things Retrospec throws them into, that they forget about their lives and what truly made them into the people they are today. While he learned a lot about Akechi, he wants to grow closer to the Goro in his arms. ]
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Then, um, what do you want to know, Akira?
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Let's start with your happiest memory? During your childhood.
[ Light and fluffy. ]
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You go first. I can't think of any on the spot.
[God, that's kind of pathetic.]
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[ He clears his throat once, twice, feeling the small little butterflies in his chest as he remembers this small memory. It's... Kind of embarrassing. He has never had the opportunity to share anything, really.
It's fine, he's a regular on the Internet. ]
Back when I was really young, we couldn't afford a lot of things... But my family planned to go to an amusement park for the very first time. I remember my dad had been working overtime to gain the graces of his superiors and my mom slaving away over a computer to make sure she's free that weekend, too. Unfortunately, the amusement park ended up being closed for last minute construction—I was pretty disappointed. [ ... ] Okay, I was upset, but I didn't show it.
[ Let's not lie? He really wanted to go? ]
Then the next day, my parents set up a miniature amusement park in our small home. Mostly some small booths with carnival games... A makeshift roller coaster cart that's actually a dressed up laundry basket with a projector set up in front of it. My dad would shake the cart and move it around to make it match whatever video was showing. There was a shadow puppet play, too.
[ Thinking about it, it reminds him he hasn't spent time with his family as a family in a long while. ]
They wore costumes, too. Hideous.
no subject
There's some envy, but it isn't burdensome. Just natural. The grass is always greener; where Akira might've been close to his family at some point, it would seem he isn't so much now... and despite Goro having a shattered one, all things considered, he can't imagine being without his mother, his aunt and uncle. Who needs a full family.]
Did you have fun?
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Yeah. It was my first amusement park and nothing will change that.
[ It’s weird, but that memory almost feels foreign to him. It’s been a long time since he thought of it, hasn’t it. It’s almost pathetic of him—note to self, maybe keep a gratitude journal. He’s smiling fondly, but realizes Goro is also smiling. It makes him nervous in a way he can’t explain... His gaze falls as fretful fingers run through his own hair. ]
I kept my part of the deal.
[ Puffing out his cheeks, he keeps it like that for a couple of seconds before letting the air out. ]
no subject
[He shifts onto his back, staring up at the blanket that makes their ceiling, and hums thoughtfully. Not so tense anymore. Easier to think.
... A lot of his memories are muffled, thouģh. Wrapped tight and sealed away. Goro knows logically there are happy times, but they seem so inconsequential that they don't surface; happy birthday hummed until his mom fell asleep holding him, growing flowers, festivals they don't really have here... all important to him, but nothing compared to Akira's.
He really shouldn't compare.]
... I suppose the happiest memory I have is a festival happening around my birthday. It almost felt like it was a celebration for me, with so many people and fireworks, and my mom even made me a small cake. As a child, that feeling was exhilarating, almost too good to be true, but it isn't like I could tell you specifics. I was too wrapped up in wonder.
[It's small and lame, it's just born from a wish to have a big party and technically getting it, but it does count under the happy memory umbrella. As far as he's concerned, it's the happiest he recalls feeling.]
no subject
When it ends, he scoots closer to nuzzle into the side of his dyed head. When he's done burying his nose in, he gently whispers something. It isn't surprising, nothing offensive. ]
I'll throw you a big party next year. Fireworks and all.
[ He has a friend that's a cop so they won't get arrested for it, either. ]
Of course I'll need advice from your mom here and there, just to make sure it has that magic touch.
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I'd like that. [Quiet, and he turns his head to look at Akira, gaze as affectionate as his tone.] Though I'd be just as happy with a party of you and some sparklers, you know.
[At least, that's how he feels at this very moment.]
no subject
You can still monopolize me all you want in the company of all your friends and family.
[ He mouths the words "baka" before gently flicking Goro's forehead. ]
no subject
And have them tease me mercilessly about it? I'll die, Akira.
[But honestly, he's keen on the idea. That's really showing him off. And... by that time, for better or worse, his family would know that he's dating a boy. A very wonderful boy. A boy who is not without faults, but makes him very happy and that's what is important to them. Goro'll sigh, brushing his fingers through Akira's hair.]
I suppose I'll just take you down with me. Don't think I won't, I'll have plenty of know-how by that time.
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[ Why won't you let him live?
He's basically going to die with Goro whether or not he likes it. It's the boy's birthday and the least he can do is try his best to make him happy, especially after everything. ]
All right. That wasn't so bad. [ But now it's the harder part. ] Do you want me to start the second part?
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Goro'll keep petting Akira too, mostly for his own sake. Bat off that growing anxiety again.]
And what would that be, Akira?
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Obviously, when there's good, there's also bad—so sharing bad memories is part two. Then we'll be done.
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It's almost like an interview... is this my monthly review as your boyfriend? Will you give me a grade based on my performance? Because there's certainly other things I could do to pass with flying marks.
[Like cook! And take out on dates! Fun dates are worth an A+.]
I can start on this one, though. I suppose it would be my saddest? Or my worst.
no subject
Whichever you're most comfortable with sharing.
[ ... ]
By the way, this is a pass or fail test.
no subject
I'll do my best to pass, then... Let's see.
[Now he's bringing nails into this, sort of scratching Akira's head like you would a cat's.]
There was a stray dog that I befriended, once. I shared my leftovers with her every day until she'd wait for me at the gate, obedient as could be. So she wasn't really my dog, but she was important to me. And then, after summer break...
[Goro trails off, smile waning.]
I stopped seeing her around. I waited for her every day, since she would walk me home, but... nothing. I was devastated. Maybe she'd simply gotten tired of waiting in the heat. Maybe she thought I wasn't coming around anymore. So I reluctantly put it to the back of my mind and continued as I had before.
Soon after, there were complaints about a terrible, rotting smell coming from an alley near the school. It was disturbing the children, they said. It was harmful to public health. Things like that. But no one could find the source of the stench, and I wasn't particularly interested in finding it either. It was gross and none of my business.
[He's quiet for a moment, hand slowly coming to a stop.]
I was given a... helpful tip, you could say, by way of some writing on my desk. It didn't seem unusual at first, given that it was just the writing I'd gotten used to washing off every morning, but... when I followed the directions that afternoon, under the blistering sun, the stench so horrible I could barely stand it, I found my friend. There was, ah, no... no way I could identify who'd done it, of course, and she was just a stray, so it wasn't like she truly mattered to anyone but me...
[A lump lodges itself in his throat and he swallows, glancing off. This isn't even anything he's told his mom, honestly? Akira's probably the first person -- no, definitely the first person to ever hear this, and Goro shrinks back with a soft laugh, trying to hide his sudden vulnerability. As if Alerted, Belle's clambering over Akira with a series of chirrups to press herself onto Goro, settling once he starts to pet her.]
Sorry. That was a little overachieving of me, wasn't it.
no subject
Still, it doesn't change the gruesome tale laid before him. There are some heavy implications here that concerns Akira, but the matter at hand is Goro lost someone dear to him... He huddles closer, trying to get his own piece of Goro despite Belle blocking his way. That's fine. He's close enough. It's fine. The comforts of a sweet cat cannot be easily surpassed. ]
No, don't apologize. [ He speaks with a soft, calm voice. ] Thank you for telling me...
[ Hand wandering, he fishes for at least one finger to hook onto his. ]
no subject
I haven't thought about her in years. Some friend I am, huh. I don't remember her name either.
[A short laugh, squeezing Akira's hand gently.]
I think that was when... I learned the world could truly be a cruel place. [That if you couldn't ptotect it, then you shouldn't have it, but that applies less now. His voice grows softer.] You're the only one I've ever told this to. Sor-- mm.
[Don't apologize, he'd said.]
no subject
It is, but you can change it now.
[ And that's the truth. While he would say some comforting words, it's in the past... And there's a cat in the way, so he must settle in hand-holding. ]
Are you okay?
[ He takes this chance to huddle closer, closing the distance between them and burying into Goro's hair. ]
no subject
Of course. It's in the past, after all.
[And he's... over? That sort of thing, probably? Goro's thumb rubs idly against Akira's hand, thinking back to the sorts of things he's dreamed -- relating to his present life, not the life he'd lived once -- and hums quietly.
Maybe not so over them. The unpleasant dreams are ones he's used to for a reason, mundane as they are. He ducks down more into Belle, feeling oddly claustrophobic, and closes his eyes to focus on the purr vibrating against him.]
What's yours? I'd like it if you refrained from topping me, though.
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